How I Started Questioning my purpose
12-12-2022
How I Started Questioning My Purpose
WRITTEN BY MICHELE PARAD
I was sitting in a supposedly swanky office in Menlo Park, CA. It resembled a silver space ship with glaring artificial lights, paired with rows and rows of computer screens and “modern” metal tubes on the ceilings. Outside was a little oasis...perfectly manicured lawns, the suburban haven...only very few people in sight. I traveled almost 1.5 hours to this office from the city of San Francisco (not uncommon for those in the tech industry) and considered myself lucky to be in Silicon Valley, barely affording my rent despite a six figure salary.
To describe that I felt like an alien in this setting was an understatement. What I mostly found disturbing, besides feeling caged myself, was the ambiance around me. It appeared to me that humans were shuffling in and out of the trains or buses and into offices like robots, and every day was ground hogs day… a group of silenced, souls that were somehow convinced to code away their life and repeat the same day all over again.
“But everyone’s doing it”...seemed to be the feedback loop of my thoughts. “Be grateful for what you have”...was another thought to band-aid my experience. Everyone seemed to be adapting and finding this “normal” so why do i feel differently?
I was having an existential crisis. I was hoping I was just having a dream that I would soon wake up from. I began to search for….something….but I couldn’t quite tell what. I just knew that there had to be more meaning to my life.
The universe heard my calling and a friend of mine introduced me to an astrologist named Tom Brady (not to be confused with the athlete Tom Brady). At the time I was skeptical of the pseudoscience, but nonetheless I was intrigued. As Tom discussed my natal chart, he explained that most of who I am (the deep innate part of me) was hidden beneath the surface and was only going to reveal itself in the years to come. He pointed to a career as a healer, educator and facilitator, none of which I was doing at the time and I didn’t even know what a “healer” was besides having gone to the occasional acupuncturist. Tom believed I was an extremely spiritual person, which contradicted the fact that I was an atheist at the time. So I thought nothing of it…until the years following.
I kept searching for that “je ne sais quoi” that I seemed to be missing. I had heard from various acquaintances about Kabbalah, and I got curious about it because it wasn’t exactly a religion, and I heard it helped people reframe the way they looked at life, so I was willing to try it. Long story short, I ended up in a mystery school and after several shamanic healings, some physical ailments I had struggled with my entire life (hormonal imbalance, knee pain, migraines) began to dissipate and I felt calmer, brighter, more energized and as if the world was sharper and clearer. I felt compelled to learn more, at first to help myself, and then later to share with others what I had learned.
I embarked on a journey to meet some of the most amazing healers, coaches, inspiring entrepreneurs and creatives, many of which were so very talented yet so very under the radar. A little voice inside me kept saying: I want to help them, I want to help them be known and their authentic talent be shared with the whole world so that we can dismantle and elevate all of the systems we have in place (from education to healthcare to climate protection and so on). Although I probably knew deep down what my purpose was all along, I had many detours to getting there, all of which gave me beautiful lessons and understandings of my genetic patterns, the group consciousness issues and I had to come face to face with my fears, judgments and resentments.
You see, all I wanted to do was make my parents proud, they were immigrants from the Soviet Union who gave up everything to give me and my sister a better life. I felt obliged to stay safe, to follow traditional and so called prestigious academic studies and career paths just so as to fit in. I did learn a lot from all of my experiences but to sum up the strength to follow a non traditional and entrepreneurial path…well that was something that took tremendous courage and faith.
And so, for those who are feeling currently stuck, either in deciding what they want to do, finally pursuing their dreams, or moving forward in their business in the most aligned and balanced fashion, I would like to humbly offer myself as a part of your path.
I can’t wait to meet you, and help you create your legacy. Together, we will help the whole world prosper.
